Friday, January 22, 2010

Help.

"Have you seen any balloonshop? No? Oh...well...there's this one where he trips on his kid's skateboard and he's just like "WHERE IS MY BOY?! I COULD KILL MY BOY! And..heh...it reminded me of this poem.."
Silence
"It...it's a lot funnier if you've seen it..."
"No..that..that sounded funny..."
Silence
"Heh...yeah..."


I also feel like I experience more awkwardness on a day-to-day basis now than I ever have before.
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN.

Tranny Farts...

When will this not bother me anymore?
I was completely fine -i still am- but I happened upon a string of conversation with another girl...and a bunch of annoying little feelings crept back in.
Then I think, what could he see that might make him feel the same way? And I realize I talk to no one and my pictures suggest nothing. And then I feel like I need to send subliminal messages that say "I am fine without you" or "Glad that's over!" via uploading songs or writing blogs like this or twittering....all things he'll probably never see. Because as a human race we are too cowardly to approach things like this head on.
So then I feel like I'll feel better once I start dating again...but I just DON'T KNOW WHEN THAT WILL BE. I get so impatient and then I psyche myself out and think if I keep wondering and focusing on it it'll never happen...but I don't want to take any chances because that implies rejection and regret...it's a vicious cycle.
It's what all the songs are about.
I feel so pathetic thinking that something that good might not come around again.
Looking back, was it even that good? I feel like my brain plays evil tricks on me.
What can I do.
Start going to bed earlier...?
Homework...?
Be as positive as possible...
Stop thinking about wanting to be in a relationship.
Stop thinking that you'll never be in one again and that all the guys here are either "too cool for you" or freakin weird.
And above all...
MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC. FIGHT TRANNYS WITH MUSIC.
Okay. Rant over. I am hilarious. I feel fine.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

I cut my bangs again.

Wow. I'm so lame. Past posts...WAH WAH WAH.
Life is FINE.
I have ALL the cocopuffs I could ever DREAM of. OKAY?!


Now.
What is a word specifically significant to my life? One word...I have no idea. Mt. Dew? Pants? Queso? Disheveled?
Frugal........? This is going to take some serious thought.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Something Good.

I love today.
Church was at 8:30 and yet today was a good day.
I napped, I ate lasagne (I am garfield), worked on some guitar, talked to new people for a long time, went to Natalie's and watched 30 rock, met more new people, watched Anastasia, then figured out my schedule. I even got into a creative writing class! Finally. Such a fluke. So happy.
I love that I only have two classes besides choir tomorrow, the first one being at 1pm.
I love that I feel so much better than I did a couple days ago.
I love laughing.

I'm going to do a cover of "Oh what a day" by Ingrid Michaelson. It expresses everything I want to say. I LOVE her! Then I'll probably do a Jason Mraz cover, then get back to working on original stuff. So psyched. Maybe I will just stay here spring semester so I can take songwriting and work on my stuff some more...Whooo knows.
I just feel good right now.

I wish things hadn't ended the way they did...but I'm going to try to just...remember the good things about 2009. I refuse to say I wasted a year of my life on someone. That's not the case at all. I hate when people say that. There is always something to take away from your experiences. For me..I had a lot of fun, and learned more about myself and about relationships. Sweet.
Now I feel like I can finally move on. I'm about 4 months late..but I'm willing to forgive myself for that little slip up.
So. New Years Resolutions?

1. Don't dwell on the past/get discouraged. Know that there ARE other fish in the sea. Equally talented, funny, and handsome fish. Not to mention Mormon.

2. Make a lot of music.

3. Don't gain 10 lbs.

4. Declare a major...

5. Take chances, make mistakes, RIDE ON THE MAGIC SCHOOL BUS.

Pretty vague...but I've come to terms with a lot of things. Like how I will never be a regular exerciser. No matter how many times I try to psyche myself into it...IT AINT GOIN HAPPN. And as far as other goals...I just like to work on things throughout the year. Whole year resolutions are pretty daunting really....

Anyway. Things are good. I should remember to sleep though... :)

Friday, January 1, 2010

The B went nuts.

If I was Ben Folds...
A break-up would be followed by a top selling album. Including a duet with international superstar Regina Spektor. A million talented rich people would be helping me off my feet. And I could buy my way back to normal.
Silly celebrities. They make everything seem so graceful and easy...