So...I'm at work. I'm working from 6 to 10 pm and I feel depressed and I literally have nothing to do because I'm not in school. So I'm going to make a blog post. (Wow aren't you excited to read on?!?!?)
1. Natalie's blog got removed today. From the internet. Forever. It's really sad :( But I thought to myself, if mine got deleted, would I even be upset? I guess there are random bits and pieces of my life on here from the past 3 or so years...but I've never really felt my blog was that important. I feel like A) no one reads it B) I write about nothing C) Most of it is angsty non-specific whining about boys.
It would be shocking and weird if it got deleted, but I might just shrug my shoulders and start a new blog and decide to make it so much better than my old one.
2. So I'm living in Provo for the summer and just working. No school. Like I said before. Which gives me oodles of free time. I've been spending a lot of this free time with my friend...Bojangles* *names have been changed.
He's really funny and great and we've been hanging out a TON.
Now...there's this thing called a universal rule of the UNIVERSE where one single heterosexual girl and one single heterosexual guy cannot just spend all of their time together and be friends and end of story. Nope. It doesn't work like that. Eventually there is a breaking point where the two either start smooching, or decide to spend less time together in hopes of finding someone else to smooch. (Seriously. This is like indisputable science. DNA, molecules, brain stems. REAL LIFE STUFF.)
Well, that breaking point happened to me today.
I knew it was coming. I could feel it in the water. I'm no dummy! But it all went a little differently than I had expected.
I was at work and he texted me saying he "wanted to talk to me" on my break. So I got home and after I ate and we watched a little TV, he went on to awkwardly explain that he's been meaning to tell me that if guys are asking me out, I shouldn't feel like I need to turn them down...
"I kind of want to go on dates with other people too so...I hope you're going on dates. But you are one of my best friends and I love spending time with you!" blah blah blah....Translation: I don't want to date you so don't get any ideas.
And the thing is. He's skinny, and lactose intolerant, and wears huge pants. I didn't exactly want to start dating him. But I didn't expect him to say those things. And it never feels good to have someone tell you that they're not interested. Even if you weren't in the first place. So even though I was horrified that he was going to ask me out, I almost cried like a fool when he told me the opposite...
It just sucks because...now I feel like I shouldn't hang out with him anymore. Which depletes my friend resources greatly. And, being a girl with insecurities and all, I also immediately started feeling like because this one person that I got along with so well didn't want to date me, I am now doomed to be forever alone.
Which is irrational and obviously ridiculous. But still. The future freaks me out.
I'm pretty confidant that Bojangles will never come across this blog post. Actually I'm pretty confidant that very few people in general will see this...but if he does: Hey don't feel bad for setting things straight. And sorry I called you skinny. And you're awesome. Etc.
Anyway. Maybe I'm over-sharing here...but it's whatever.
The important thing is: life is not the worst right now. Compared to last spring semester, I'm living the high life! The life of a teenage robot. Except that I am not a teenager anymore.