Thursday, October 16, 2008

you grade grub one more time...

I want to yell swear words right now.
i just checked my grade in "contemporary issues" and i have a B+
B
+
there's no reason i shouldn't have an A in there. the only things i've gotten Bs on so far are things that he grades according to his own crazy whims. i hate it. i hate that class. i miss mrs. daniel and her anal grading system and extra credit and perfect teaching skills.
i feel like. my brain will explode if that B shows up on my report card. or what if it goes lower?!

i probably sound like a douche...but. i don't get below A's. i just. don't. it's quite the psychological thing...

i want to cry. i feel like even if i give 150% my best in that class i still won't get an A. and we barely have any grades in.
death.

and now i have to write a stupid summary for some current event that i probably won't ace.

i don't know where to ramble about the things that are really bothering me.
here?
eh.
i dunno.
i feel sad. but then i feel whiney once i admit i feel sad.
stupid. plath.
stupid. school.
let's skip tomorrow yes?

Saturday, October 11, 2008

bell jar

i finished the bell jar today.
i was kind of proud of myself because i read like 200 pgs in 2 days when i had things going on.
but then i found out my sister reads like 3 novels a week. ha.
but yeah.
it was good. it ended...hopefully. hopely? with hope. the only problem..is that it was about sylvia's life. so us readers know esther didn't make it. because sylvia didn't make it.
because sylvia stuck towels under the doors and sealed her children into their sleeping beds and turned on the oven and died.
pretty depressing stuff.
i don't know if i could ever write a book like that. you really do have to have experience to write as a completely crazy person. it's so puzzling. she just snapped. i'd sound like an idiot if i tried to write like a crazy.
it's funny at one part she's questioning her ability to write and says "there was my problem. i had no experience." and from then on is when she goes crazy and everything. pretty ironic how she obtained her experience...
you guys should read it. she's really good at writing. it's not all sad and it's really intriguing. especially since it's the author's life in disguise.


anyway. now i have all those pages of 1984 to read. i'm in utah. it's cold. i'm exhausted. i spent all my money.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Seattle is FULL of trees.
bothell is full of bumps in the road. instead of just painted lines, raised concrete white and yellow rods of death line the roads. but they're spontaneous and that's the worst part. at any given moment the road you're on can go from paint- to rock lines. in the mornings when it's almost six o'clock these bumps always terrify me. i imagine swerving just a titch and thumping into one of those slabs and crashing into a car beside me. it's really scary.

my cat is hanging over me...draped like a scarf or that creepy "muff" i have to wear for the play made out of mink carcuses... half on my shoulder, half on the top of the chair right now and..i think she's falling asleep. she's such a weirdo. the weirdest cat ever. i swear.

anyway. photography class is still proving little success on my part and that's really annoying. but i'd rather take another semester of it than have to take health in january. which i have to do. that stresses me out. thinking about health and p.e. next semester. why can't this school be normal and not require 2134 p.e. classes. why can't the fat heads realize that i took a rigorous health course in 7th and 8th grade and that's all i need.
i'll punch them in the head. i swear.

i'm flying to utah tomorrow.
that makes me nervous.
no clean clothes..not packed..demanding activities after school..have to read my book in less than a week..
rahhhhhhhh i want to punch myself in the face right now.
take me to college. high school be overrrrrrrr.

all i want to do is see nick and norah's endless playlist and sneak taco into the theatre like kirsti taught me. and then snuggle into another cheesy movie afterwards with dru. in ashley's basement though because it's huge and cozy. bleh.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

I want to Vomit.

I'm reading the bell jar and she just...gets so sad sometimes. for no reason. i feel like that right now. i feel like i'll never get a decent print. i feel helpless and too kind and hate myself for that.
i'm really glad i finally started a blog. it's different than myspace and it's different than a journal and i'm glad i started this.
i hate using capitols when i type and it doesn't do it for you. get used to that.
i don't have time to make this first blog very good.
but i will write later.
i will vomit more words to get rid of this feeling in my stomach.