Friday, March 18, 2011

Last Night

Last night was by far one of the strangest nights of my entire life. I decided that if I could show you in pictures what happened rather than simply tell you in words I would be able to better communicate the essence of the story.
So I started drawing on paint. Frame 1 turned out like this:



Once I got my sleeping wheels turning I quickly fell asleep, despite the loud and annoying rabble-rousers outside my apartment.
Then things started to get weird and painful:



At this point I feel like something is going to explode inside me. It's a pain unlike any I've experienced before. It's not just cramps or diarrhea or your average stomach pain. This, I was convinced, was the end.
I managed to make my way onto the floor, hoping that lying on a surface other than my bed would diminish the pain. I grasped my cell phone and contemplated dialling 911 at least fifty times. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I had to fight this demon and win!



I then decided to crawl into the bathroom. Literally crawl. From what I can remember I sat in there for a while and nothing happened but more pain. I crawled back out and mustered some strength to stand. I looked in the mirror and discovered I was completely covered in sweat. Gross.



Nothing I did seemed to help the pain. I writhed and wiggled and massaged my stomach. I blurted out several half-asleep southern-esque melodramatic prayers that went something like, "Oh dear God and Jesus make the pain go away. Make me well again." I'm also pretty sure that I called my mom and hung up a few times...but despite all my efforts the sensation of someone stabbing my organs with needles persisted.



I finally decided to take a small drink of water.



Then after a few brief hallucinations about the eclair I had earlier that day and ingredients on my water bottle listling "salt, lots and lots of salt!"....
I barfed everywhere and went back to sleep...
AND HAD NIGHTMARES ABOUT CAVITIES AND SKIING WITH NO SHOES OR GLOVES ON.

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