"Berger is right, the body never lies."

i was talking to mike on the phone last night. i got pretty worked up. i think i talked for ten minutes straight, nothing on the other line, without even realizing it. i was trembling a little. all the memories and the awkwardness and the pain started flooding back...
i don't want to dwell.

I finished ordinary people today. I swear. It's like reading your life. It puts me in the weirdest mood. How does the author do it?? When I read books now, half of my concentration is on the context, half on literary devices and symbolism, and half on "what was going on in the author's mind when they wrote this?? What inspired this??" It drives me insane.
Judith Guest. Her biographies online are so impersonal. I want to know what happened in your life! write an autobiography! what shocking traumatizing events happened to you to make your characters so real!? i don't believe that their believability comes only from your imagination!!

but...if it does....
i feel like. i could become a real author. and that makes me smile.
she sounds just like me. never finished anything growing up but loved to write. majored in education because she was afraid of pursuing creative writing right away. got married, had some kids, and THEN wrote my favorite book of all the land.

i want to live her life...

in other news. i'm really glad for boys that are real. i wish they would have been more present in my life before now...
my heart is floating. :) i can be a real girl. i can be a young woman. because there is a real boy expecting that of me. this is good. this relationship. it's preparing me for BYU. for meeting a husband someday. it's changing my stupid mind and making me a better person.
I'm so happy. :)