Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Utah? makes me nervous.. I'm so dang tired about everything. And i don't know how to move on again. I don't remember. I move in tomorrow. I know everything will be ok...but. As of right now...i'm scared and feel less than optimistic. :/ on a lighter note...i saw beautiful waterfalls today.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Put your hands on your hips

The days tick by and i'm staring at the clock,
But i guess i can't tell time, 'cause i keep telling it to stop.
They say water won't boil if you keep looking at the pot,
So i'm holding my head steady with all i've got.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Facebook can really get under my skin. Besides all the "FAN" things and ridiculous groups and causes and surveys and some people use it...

-i'm going out this weekend to my lake house. me and a few friends. oh you probably don't know them very well... but we're very close. we have SO much fun together. in fact. my life is mostly fun. as you will see through my virtual photo albums.

-(internal dialogue)a picture is worth a thousand words. so if i take. a thousand pictures. it'll give you one million ways to tell me i'm pretty. fun. adventurous. doing great. and it will give me one million reasons to feel better about myself for a while...

I think to some extent, most of us want our pictures to portray something glamorous and important to the rest of the world.
When it's really obvious though, that someone is trying too hard, and when it's not me or someone I particularly know/like...
It's really annoying.

An optimistic look into my future

"Emily. i had the weirdest dream about you last night. you went to byu and met an Osmond and then you got a record deal. you got so famous that i had to quit my job to be a consultant."

"Really? Ha ha that's funny."

"Oh..then we were on a big airplane and crashed in the ocean."


"Yeah...we were on a raft when i woke up.."

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Choice #5

Every night when i take off my clothes,
I realize
I should probably stop while i can,
before I double in size

and every morning I wake up,
I pour a little something into my cup.
I place a little something upon my plate

'cause how else can i fill this hole?
how else can I cope with hate
how else how else can I run away?
I need another slice, of CAKE.

Excerpt from choice #4

"More than one English teacher has told me that I overuse flowery metaphors..."

...My 15 year old self is dead. All that's left is years ahead...
Understand me. forgive me. talk to me like you would anyone else.
Your enigmatic mind is eating at the buffet line of mine.
Let me in. let me burrow deep.
it's not fair, do i think about you more than you could ever think of me?
I'm getting smaller everyday as you beanstalk through my heart.
I don't even know what i'm saying anymore.
is this love is it war? is this hate is it more?

Excerpt from choice #3

They used to come to her broken
wanting to be fixed.
her heart would beat out of its chest
beating too fast.
you can't inhale when you're drowning.
drowning in someone else's love.
the water of your reluctance won't agree with your lungs.

Choice #2

It's funny how one word can
change what you've said

It's funny how one thought
can consume your entire head

and it eats away at you

until you're starving to death

Entry of choice #1

So I was looking through my book of "Lyrics/Poems?" that I started in like 10th grade last night...It's weird how I don't even remember writing some of the stuff in there. And like half of it is unfinished. That's always my problem. Not finishing. Anyway I thought I'd post some of it...

Struggling with paranoia
My secret making friends
Oblivious are those who know me
who think they know me
And even those who truely know me
don't quite understand
Try and relate
Try and rid me of it
for a while i may be fooled
but like the sea on a shore, the soft eroding wave
it will always return
my secret making friends
my painful paranoia

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Let's go to Walgreens.

Boys and girls aren't the same. They're just NOT.
So I wish people would stop trying to make them seem that way.

We're just desensitizing ourselves to a point of numbing monotony.
Sounds great on paper...
Divert from what you used to see as moral. It's too hard. It's not in style. Cut off that thing called feeling anything real.
Live by the world's standards.
Break enough rules so that you eventually feel nothing.

How long can that kind of life last?
It's frustrating...

We're not all the same. That's BORING. And unnatural.
As for myself...I'm a girl. I'm emotional and sensitive and think that when a guy tells me he wants me it'll last longer than one night and could be something real.
I'm not going to be lady gaga and pretend I'm some dtf 24/7 no strings shell...

Ahhh i dunno.
Of course I'm not i'm not..trying to preach. "Change your ways! The kingdom of heaven is at hand!" Nah. I'm not perfect thus have no room to tell anyone else to be. We all make decisions and can "do whatever we want." I just wish the world we lived in wasn't so extremely out of whack...

::Cue Walgreens commercial theme::