Her head was on fire

Time to be introspective.

Remember how, on my blog, I have said several times that I want to be an English teacher who one day goes on to write novels? Or just one good novel?

Why don't I just do that...?

In 8th grade when I read To Kill A Mockingbird I found it fascinating and wanted to read more by Harper Lee. But as I searched and searched I discovered that was the only thing she had ever written. I was so disappointed, but all the more intrigued. Lee was a teacher, who wrote an American masterpiece, and then retired...When I found that out about her, my little 13 year old self thought, "I'd like to live that same life."

7 years later I am a junior in college pursuing an advertising major...

Why? Is it that my dreamz have changed? Was that just something I wanted as a middle schooler? And if not, why am I so afraid to pursue that path...

Is it because my sister and my friends and a million people I know are english teachers? And I only know maybe a handful of advertising people? I know the advertising major will be quicker and I get the impression it will be "easy" compared to many other majors...is that another reason why I'm holding back?

I do enjoy the classes I'm taking right now. Mass communications, Media writing, and literary interpretations...So I'm justifying being an advertising major with an english minor.

Let's say this for a plan: Next semester I will get to turn in my advertising video application. Until I find out if I'm in the program or not, I'll just be taking classes for my minor. So next semester if I'm just so in love with English that I can't stand it...Maybe I'll say JUST KIDDING! to advertising...

I'm telling you. This semester is the deciding point! And also next semester is the deciding point also!....

I'm never going to graduate.

When I see myself in 10 years I see a mother and a wife. Living in a nice house somewhere, with an office just for me, to write. I see music and babies and being an internet sensation. I mean international sensation. With a closet full of rhinestone dresses. Well really I just see those first couple of things and then my imagination starts to go wild...

But I will say, I do like Usher.

And also I love this song.