i want. my hand held!

i wish i could be like one of those girls that gets whatever attention they want from whatever guy they want....without being a hussy and without having "serious" relationships.
does that even make sense?
i'm just too dependent.
i probably will get married my first year at byu.
i'm ridiculous.
i just. miss it. whatever happened to last year when i was totally FINE w/out boy?
seriously, i was happy and didn't like anyone and didn't feel the need to. for the most part. i was just. content.
now i'm back to. pathetic. i need dru back! she know how to make me not feel dumb.
hmph.

it's 2 am.
i'm supposed to wake up for the retreat in like. six hours?
ha. i'm going to die.
2 days of dance class has pretty much killed me already. and i'm sure we're going to be dancing a ton this weekend.
my "dance teacher" at bothell said i need:

1) to drink lots of water
2) eat real food
3) and get plenty of rest

good thing i never sleep! i'm ridiculously sore. that class is way intense/awkwardCITY/a HUGE self esteem downer.

but anyway. i hope i don't pass out or something.
i just. don't want to go to bed. or pack. or wake up.
i'm freezing.